Failsafe

 

 

 

 

Transcript:
"I just hope that today, of all days, the cashier doesn't try to start a conversation."
"Oh, relax!  What could they have to comment about?  You're only buying like ten bags of candy!  (For your own selfish consumption.)"
"Oh wow, that's a lot of candy!  Are you having a party?"
"Psst!  Um...Fred?  What now?"
"You know, laughter is always socially acceptable!"
"AHAHahahAhahaHAHAha hahahaHAhaHahaha heheHAHAHA"

Say What Now

 

 

 

Transcript:
*minding my own business at event*
*a wild stranger appeared!*
"Oh I know you!"
*ALL SYSTEMS OFFLINE* *REVERT TO AUTOPILOT MODE*
*Tarva used Echolalia*
"Oh I know you!"
"Who was that?"
"I have no idea, I can't do faces.  ...did I just repeat exactly what she said?"
*it's super effective!*

Not So Secret

 

 

 

 

Transcript:
"Ooh...yes, a dark corner to recharge in!"
"*siiigh*"
*footsteps*
"Hey!  Somebody found your hiding spot!  I bet they start talking to you now!"
"What are YOU doing in here?  Don't you want to go hang out?"
"Called it..."

Ahoy

 

 

 

 

Transcript:
"It's for you."
"I think you're supposed to say 'hi'..."

Fun fact: back when phones had just recently become available to the public, no one was sure which greeting should be used when you pick up.  "Ahoy", as in the sailor's greeting, was briefly considered before they finally settled on "hello".  This is a relevant fun fact because of the title of this blog post. :-]

Fast Eater

Transcript:
"You know the longer you sit here the more likely people are to think you're lonely and start a conversation."
"Hey look that person is coming over here!"

The Untruth, the Whole Untruth, and Nothing But the Untruth

Transcript:
"So, how've you been?"
"Psst!  Hey!  We should actually tell them!  Like, the truth!  Your depression and your existential crises and your--"
"I'm great, thanks for asking."
"..."

I can't be the only one that does this

 

Transcript:
[in an elevator]
"..."
"..."
"Overthinking the walk over here, are we?"
"Yeah maybe.  How could you tell?"
"You forgot to push the floor button again."

I Thought I'd Finally Figured Out How Nonverbals Work But I Guess Not: an autobiography by me

 

 

 

Transcript:
sign of "please leave me alone"
also a sign of "please leave me alone"
"Hey, what you reading?  You like music, huh?"
"Hey!  Hey, talk to them!  They're trying to be friendly!  Show some interest and appreciation!"
"...well, it's a start...we'll work more on the sincerity for next time..."

*****

[And now, a public service announcement in case you were feeling overwhelmed by too much humor and not enough boring. :-]
For those of you who have longer social-battery-lives, I know that you might sometimes listen to music or read books to start a conversation, but others use them as emergency rations for the antisocial soul, since we've been told that they're a good way to get people to go somewhere else if they want to talk to someone.
Now don't get me wrong, I looove talking about my favorite books or music, and I can, on occasion, go on for hours about them (more on that eventually in a later post), but 99.9% of the time I've got the headphones on and the book open because it's the closest thing I can get to a recharge at the moment (aside from being rude and leaving the stressful situation).
This concludes the public service announcement.  Please enjoy the rest of your flight.]

All the world's a stage...

 

 

Transcript:
"Hey, look, someone's coming to talk to you!  Now you can test out that conversational script we've been working on!"
"Hi!"
"Pretty well!  And you?"
"I honestly wouldn't mind dying right now...they didn't follow the script..."
"oooooOOOOO hoo hoo hoo, that was PERFECTION!  Let's go try it again!"

Magic in the Hair Tonight

 

 

 

 

Transcript:
"Hair gotten a bit long, huh?"
"Sure has."
"Gonna get it cut soon?"
"...maybe."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I like being able to see other people without them seeing me."
"You can't just get away with doing that."
"Oh yeah?  Watch me."